The Cult of Plastic Crap

It is MASSIVELY IRONIC that just recently, through means that would not drain my shallow funds, I have come across a few things that would make decent reviews, and the camera that I have been using for years now, has just been stolen. I even felt that I had the motivation to do a review with the same zest that I used to apply to my work, before Youtube became a tyrant. I just can't do any filming with my non-existant camera. To make matters worse, the person in my family charged with replacing the camera isn't listening to reason, and feels that if Canon produced the last camera ANY camera will be good as long as it bears the Canon name. They won't shop ANYWHERE ELSE besides Best Buys, and tried to reassure me by showing me the new camera on Best Buy's website, where the read-out of the camera's stats told me that it (quote)

"Takes brilliant pictures and videos that SOMETIMES have sound"..... fuck....



Regardless of how broke I am, and how very hopeless my hunt for a job is, every weekend my brother quite easily drags me to a myriad of places that are only good for spending money, so that he can look for Transformers, and that I can window shop and think about my life. He always seems to find a "great deal" on something, I always try to postpone my inevitable descent into madness and focus on something trivial like price tags, and all the stores always seem to carry the same old crap. However, every so often something new and interesting, or rare and collectible will grace the shelves of our local Wall-Mart or Toys R Us. If it interests either of us, or is somehow related to an intellectual property that we enjoy, or is thematically consistent with a growing collection of ours, then there is a good possibility it will be bought. Just a few days ago, I was re-watching the BEST movie that Adam Sandler ever starred in, "REIGN OVER ME," where the psychotic behavior of his character Charlie Fineman is described in a very similar sense:

NIGEL: So, what do you do, Charlie?

CHARLIE: I'm a Collector

NIGEL: Really? What do you collect?

CHARLIE: What do I collect? I don't know. Johnson, you can answer for me.

ALLEN JOHNSON: Charlie collects things from his life. You know, things that he finds germane to his lifestyle.

That scene is just a sample of a great piece of, dramatic, cinema, and is one of the more surreal and authentically awkward feeling scenes throughout the whole movie. Charlie is painted up to be a really disturbed person, who ultimately throws violent temper tantrums anytime anyone begins to question him about his lifestyle choices or his past. Either way, I found it a little unnerving that a character that desperately needs help would so closely resemble people like me in any way. Even though Adam Sandler manages to create the insane character in a very charismatic way, I still find it disturbing to identify with him, knowing fully that he's not well.

When my brother and I first started scrounging around the usual places, specifically Toys R Us, they didn't have as many appealing items as they do now. In fact, the frequency of the cool shit on the shelves has gone up drastically in the last few months. Just this afternoon, I was looking at a Doctor Who action figure, and wondering if Nerds haven't actually changed what's being stocked in these stores, just by voting with their wallets in the past few years. Maybe that's just me...

Needless to say, all this crap wants to be bought by me, or rather, I feel the need to buy all this plastic crap. I've always loved action figures and collectibles, and I really have no idea why. It's sort of a small, smoldering passion of mine, like the way I feel when sharpening the edge of a knife and polishing the metal, or smelling the glue on the inside of a book, rubbing my fingers against the print of a comic page, feeling and modeling the fabric of a new hat or coat.

I sort of makes me feel guilty, like I shouldn't be this way. In many societies the world over, there are always negative connotations with feelings of materialistic desires. There's, apparently, something shameful in the desire or love of PHYSICAL THINGS. While a lot of my ideologies, and the philosophies that I admire would AGREE with this statement, I must admit that I have a love of material myself, and that I suspect that I am not the only one, considering the amount of money being generated from the keen art of selling crap you don't even need. It may just be human nature, or it could possibly be the influence of commercials on our minds, even though I try to avoid brainwashing advertisements as often as possible. Either way, I often times feel guilty for participating in rampant consumerism. I used to scoff at people who would buy a shirt that said HOLLISTER on it, and then I looked down and saw that I was wearing a Metal Gear Solid shirt. The only thing I can say in my defense is that wearing a shirt that shows support for a long running video game series which is VERY important to modern artistic and even philosophical thinking is in some way better than wearing a shirt just because it has a brand name on it.

Still, though, there is another thing that bothers me about my habit, which is simply this: I can manage to hold my head up high when it comes to most hobbies. I generally never took any shit from anyone, concerning the unorthodox life that I have lived. For the most part I've worn it as a red badge of courage. But lately, I feel more vulnerable to other people's judgment than I ever have before. It may have something to do with the fact that I have to get a job, and I realize that I stand a much better chance of getting a job if I'm white, have a normal American name, and wear a shirt that doesn't seem "radical" in anyway. All of you out there wearing "Rage Against the Machine" merchandise may want to have a quick wardrobe change before turning in that application to SEARS.

Even though I never felt the need to answer to anyone but myself, I always had a good "fuck you" speech ready for every alternative choice I made in my life. Don't like my FABULOUS fashion sense? You're a homo-phobe. Don't like it that I'm a gamer? You must be an OLD TIMER! What's-a-matter? Think I'm strange for having THAT MANY KNIVES!? Tch, that just shows how USELESS you'll be when the zombie-apocalypse occurs. Hope, you can run fast, motha-fucker, otherwise you're gonna be ZOMBIE-CHOW!

But I find the most difficult hobbie to justify is the "Cult of Plastic Crap." I really don't have ANYWHERE NEAR the number of figures that my brother has. In fact, I've always wanted to make a video showing the COLLOSAL number of Transformers and Halo characters he has IN STORAGE!

I guess it's not easy to justify collecting this stuff, because it's quite easily associated with kids. I recognize that most action figures are aimed at 12 year old boys, and I really don't help my case by OPENING THE BOXES, thereby destroying any "collectors value" they originally had. At best, I can argue three things:

1) I'm not hurting anyone, and YOU"RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!

2) People keep statues in their house and that's considered classy, but if it's made of plastic and articulate then it's not?

3) Cliffy B is one of those really cool nerds and he has an entire transformers corner in his office that he refers to as the "Optimus Prime Shrine." He's way past cool.... right?